Getting Your Ex Back – Advice For Men

How To Win Her Back

Sometimes it’s inevitable! You break up with your girl, because it seems like the only thing you can possibly do to resolve your differences. Maybe you tried time apart, maybe you tried counseling, maybe just didn’t know what to do. And so you decided to split.

But now, sadly, you realize that this is the worst mistake you’ve ever made. The lacklustre women that you’ve seen since you split up aren’t a patch on the girl you dated, loved and lived with.

And so now, of course, you want to get your ex back. The problem is not so little, though: you just don’t know how to get your ex girlfriend back.

couple making love in bed
Warring: don’t decide to get her back solely on the basis of your sexual desire! It takes more than great sex to make a relationship work.

Relationship Repair

And don’t panic! We have advice which might just allow you to approach your ex easily, make getting over a breakup simpler, and above all help you see that while getting back with an ex is not, perhaps, the easiest thing in the world, you can certainly have a good shot at discovering how to win her back!

Start by reconnecting with a text.

You see, one problem is that your ex might already have moved on, because regrettably, she doesn’t feel the same way about the breakup as you do. So take this carefully.

Don’t call, unless you’re super-confident that she is thinking the same way you are.

And if you do send a text message, make sure it’s not one that sounds like it’s asking for sex, or desperate, or creepy. If you want to bring your ex back, you have to be subtle, so your text should be sweet – maybe about something you shared that’s still warming your heart, and you think might still be warming hers.

Example: “I was listening to that Neil Young song we both loved the other day, and it reminded me of when we saw him in concert in Berlin! Great times! I hope you’re OK.”

If she responds favourably, then you have some ground to build on. But even if she doesn’t, you could still try moving on to Step 2…..  unless your ex’s response was so negative that contacting her would bring down the wrath of the Goddess upon you!

Step 2: The Best Way To Get Your Ex Back?

Well, you romanced her before, so you’re not naive about the ways of love!

And this time you’re really going to need to take it more slowly. Set up a meeting. For example, if you’re trying to win your ex girlfriend back, propose a meeting for a coffee, say – and keep in mind that you probably need to apologize for what you did in a way which will seem genuine to your ex.

Also: remember that if you’re pushy about getting back together, this is going to be a red flag for your ex: after all, you did something in the first place that she didn’t like, so don’t repeat the mistake. (Which might even have been you instigating the break up.)

Step 3: Make That Call

Be sure you know what you want!
Top Tip: Be sure you know what you want before you do anything!

If you’ve got a positive response so far, then maybe this is the time to suggest a casual date in a one-to-one voice call.

You need to summon up some sincerity, be humble and apologetic, stay clear about your own rights and boundaries, and choose a relaxed environment where there’s not going to be much pressure.

And if she accepts your invitation, remember that that’s all she’s done – accept an invitation. She hasn’t said she definitely wants to get back together with you, and it’s possible that your ex may even now turn you down. Be realistic. And whatever you do, don’t beg, don’t cry, don’t demean yourself, and above all, don’t stalk your ex.

The truth is that if your ex-girlfriend wants to come back to you, she’ll do it in her own time, depending on whether or not you convince her you’ve changed.

Step 4: Be Honest

You know, honesty is a great idea. So if you miss her, say so.  Tell her why.

It’s best to speak the truth. That old cliche about “honesty being the best policy” is absolutely right, because when you reveal your soul and your truth, you touch another person in a way you don’t if you’re just blathering or waffling at them with meaningless chitchat.

You need to talk about what went wrong in the relationship, and why, and you need to talk about your feelings. Sure, that’s scary for some men, but you can do it if you try.

Step 5: Be Honest About Your Shortcomings

Your attempt to get back together isn’t going to go anywhere unless you’re honest about what went wrong and your role in the break up.

Of course there’s a saying that “It takes two to tango”, and that’s certainly true, but focusing on your partner’s deficiencies isn’t the best way to work at getting your ex girlfriend back!

If all she hears is your criticism of what she did in the first place, you aren’t going to be getting together anytime soon!

So you might want to clarify with somebody competent – a counselor or therapist – what happened and why, get an independent view of what went on, what you did, and then, take responsibility for it and talk to her about it.

Step 6: Look To The Future

Sure, you’ll have a resentment or two about the past, you’ll be wanting to tell your ex the things that you believe she needs to know, and you’ll be trying to blame her (at least you will if you’re human, but if you’ve read the points above, you know better than to try the blame-game!)

To err is human, but to forgive may really be divine, as the saying has it.

And in this situation that basically means somethign simple. When you meet your ex-girlfriend you take a trip into the future, not down memory lane, a place where you might feel inclined to drag out of the recesses of your mind all the resentments, anger, fear, sadness, disappointments and all other negative things you thought were wrong with your relationship with your girlfriend.

You are bigger than the things which drove you apart. Act BIG, think BIG, have BIG expectations.
Top Tip: You are bigger than the things which drove you apart. Act BIG, think BIG, have BIG expectations.

You didn’t get together in the first place because of those things, and so it’s not appropriate to talk about them when you want to try and get back together with your ex.

You must focus on positive qualities – things you like about her, the things which really drew you to her, and above all, the things that will keep you together in the future.

Step 7: Maybe Meet In A Group

Yeah, sure, you might find it daunting and pressurized and frightening to meet your ex with a view to discussing how to get back together.

And in particular, if you’re trying to find out how to save your marriage, then you really need to do this in a situation where the pressure is as low as possible.

One way to do this might be to meet up in a familiar group of friends or family. Yes, that may raise some eyebrows – people may be wondering why you’re doing it, and start gossiping about it –  but the fact of the matter is that if you have other people around who you can talk to, the pressure can be much less.

Of course, this only works if you can get away from the group and talk to each other one-to-one.

And again, when you do this, remember that humility, sensitivity, and honesty are probably your greatest weapons in getting over a breakup.

Step 8: Do Not Discuss Other Women You Met After The Break Up!

She doesn’t want to hear about what you did in the hiatus between your breakup and your attempt to get back together with your ex-girlfriend.

She doesn’t want to hear about the relationship advice you have to offer, or the relationship advice you received from other people!

What she wants to know is if you’re wise enough to behave in a way that’s going to win her back, whether you’re going to be a good partner in the future, and whether the things that drove you apart have changed.

Step 9: Be Romantic

Look, we all know that romance isn’t everything – but it goes a long way for a woman and it might just be the key to getting back with your ex-girlfriend.

And don’t tell me that you don’t know how to be romantic!

Somewhere deep in your soul, your masculine soul, is the genetic knowledge of how to pursue a woman and win her over. If you need some clues, here they are: send her flowers, perhaps to her workplace. Write a love letter in which you tell her why you love her. Take her away for a romantic weekend break. You know how to do it.

Step 10: Get Engaged

What if you aren’t just stringing her along, and that you really do want to spend the rest of your life with her, and you’re very clear about this?

Ain’t it obvious? Buy her a ring – offer to get married.

This can really move her into a place complete commitment. After all, if you’re honest with yourself, you probably know whether or not you were (and are) truly committed to her.

And if you’ve made the decision that she really is the woman with whom you want spend the rest of your life, then why not get engaged?

And if you really can’t make that step, then you should still have a plan to drive the relationship forward – shared goals, shared objectives, shared time. Goals and objectives… something to work towards together.

You know, all in all, whether or not you’re trying to make your ex want you back, or whether or not you need to know how to get your girlfriend back, you need to get over the breakup.

So perhaps the first question you ask yourself should be “Is it time to move on?”