Getting An Ex Back Into A Relationship
6 Focus On The Positive
The best way to encourage positive feelings around a new relationship in both your ex-girlfriend and yourself is to talk about the positive aspects of your life together.
Keep in mind the fun, joyful or delightful things which brought you together in the first place. That could be your shared love of animals, your delight in movies, your compatibility in outlook, or whatever it was.
You know why you got together in the first place, and that’s where your attention needs to focus right now.
Are you just trying to get back with her because you feel lonely and miserable? If so, you don’t need me to tell you that isn’t a good way to handle a breakup. And it probably isn’t a good reason to try and win her back, either.
An open heart and real sincerity is the best way to establish a closer and loving relationship. And, of course, what you do. What men don’t understand, I think, is that gestures don’t have to be big to impact a woman’s heart. Doing something for her that shows you’re thinking about her and that you respect her is often better than a big gift worth hundreds of dollars.
Show your ex-girlfriend how being together again with her is going to benefit you both.
A woman who’s been dumped, or who’s dumped you, isn’t likely to be keen on getting back into a relationship with you unless she can see how it’s going to benefit her, either now or in the future. In short, you need a plan for the future of your relationship.
Video – YouTube
Break Ups Don’t Have To Leave You Broken!
7 Do Something to Improve Your Desirability
Remember this simple and straightforward fact: your relationship probably ended because of what you are and how you behave.
In other words, you may have to change yourself to give the relationship a good chance of survival.
Let’s assume that rather than moping around, you’ve already started being more widely social after the breakup.
That’s a good start, because it means you’ve taken control of at least one thing in your life! If you’re dating other women, or they’re expressing an interest in you, well, even better, because that should build your self-confidence and self-esteem.
But the problem is that you need more confidence with your ex-girlfriend, not more confidence with other women. (Of course, if you’ve met a woman whom you like even more than your ex-girlfriend, then there’s no need for you to be reading this article, is there?)
The thing is, most men don’t really know how to make themselves more attractive.
Yet it’s so simple! Start with the physical. Make yourself look good, by dressing sharp, and grooming well. If you don’t know how to do these things, take some advice from a friend who always looks good.
And then move on to the more important and deeper level of your personal qualities. These might include courage, confidence, and an attitude of abundance, forgiveness, generosity and open-heartedness.
These are qualities which combine to produce what we call “charisma”, or “presence”. To access them you may need to do some emotional work. In other words, look at your shadows and bring them into the light.
Maybe you fear not being in control, or not being adequate sexually. Or simply not being “good enough”.
You can only make massive change and rapid improvements in all these areas by doing some deep personal work with a competent facilitator. Or you might join a men’s group or find some other supportive resource in your life.
But mostly, men in this situation have to go back to basics. You may need to think really hard about the ways in which you can fulfil your intention to become a more amazing man.
Whether or not you can see a self-improvement program through to the end says a lot about who you are. And that also has a major impact on how women will see you. And that includes your ex girlfriend, with whom you want to get back together.
Anyway, assuming you’re interested in self-improvement, here are some suggestions:
- sign up for a public speaking course
- sign up for a martial arts class
- take a course in comedy improvisation class
- start performing publicly
- join a drama class
- join a therapy group
- support an organization working for disadvantaged children
- devote yourself to a cause that is really important to you.
- stop looking just at your own self, and start working in the field of conservation or social work as a volunteer.
- read good books about how to be a man (this one has plenty of suggestions) King Warrior Magician Lover by Rod Boothroyd
In essence, you want to cover all the bases, which probably means doing one thing in each of several different areas of life (examples conveniently provided):
- Health – go to the gym, go on a diet, take up martial arts, find a spiritual practice like meditation
- Career – ask for a rise, seek promotion, find a new job
- Your mental attitude – develop an attitude of gratitude and joy, take up the 21 day no-complaints challenge, read self-improvement books, and join some kind of organisation devoted to self-development
- Expansion of who you are – develop new skills, learn to sing, take a drama class, play musical instruments in public, learn computer coding, help young men get over their traumatic past, mentor young men fresh out of jail, help old people, do charity work.
In a way, it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you do something.
After breaking up with a girlfriend, everyone feels depressed and unworthy, and self-esteem tends to plummet.
So be really careful not to respond to this by just going to your ex girlfriend and begging her to take you back, or trying to work out manipulative strategies about how to get your ex girlfriend back.
Instead, look to improve yourself.
In particular, learn to love yourself: that is how you become worthy of receiving somebody else’s love. Again: shadow work is a great help here.
And if you don’t already know it, what helps you love yourself, or to put it another way, to feel proud of yourself, is simply doing things which make you feel proud.
How much of that – pride – is there in your life right now?
Thought so. Not much, eh?
The good news is it doesn’t take much imagination to find ways to make yourself a more rounded and mature character. And taking those steps will do one of two things: first, it may attract your ex-girlfriend because you’ve become a different person.
Second, it may give you the insight that you really have moved on, and you need something different from a relationship with a woman. (Something different to what you had with your ex, that is!)
In either case you are becoming the man you can truly be.
Now you might realize there’s something important going on here: you’re pondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back. But I wonder whether or not that’s the right question. (Read this for advice on when to end a relationship.)
Of course there are strategies and techniques you can use to get your ex back, but the problem is that your relationship will only last if you really do change, and become the man you and your girlfriend want you to be.
No matter how many romantic gestures you make, no matter how many gifts you buy her, no matter how many promises you make, your relationship is only going to be extended by a few weeks or months at most unless you fundamentally change. That’s because YOU are one of the foundation stones of the relationship.
And your ex girlfriend is the other foundation stone of the relationship, but of course you don’t have control over what she does and how she develops.
Hopefully you can find a way of growing together so that not only do you grow and discover how to get your ex girlfriend back, but your relationship also grows into something beautiful.