Getting An Ex Back Into A Relationship
6 Focus On The Positive
The best way to encourage positive feelings around a new relationship in both your ex-girlfriend and yourself is to talk about the positive aspects of your life together.
Keep in mind the fun, joyful or delightful things which brought you together in the first place: your shared love of animals, your delight in movies, your complete compatibility in outlook, whatever it was.
You know why you got together in the first place, and that’s where your attention needs to focus right now.
(Of course, if it was just your ex girlfriend’s body or looks that attracted you, then perhaps it’s worth thinking about whether or not she really is the right woman for you.)
And if you’re just trying to get back with her because you feel lonely and miserable – well, you don’t need me to tell you that isn’t a good way to handle a breakup, and it probably isn’t a good reason to try and win her back, either.
So remember – avoid talking about who was responsible for the break up if you’ve not seen each other for a while.
And don’t talk about what you’ve been doing in the interim, either. She doesn’t want to hear about the dates you’ve been on – or what happened on them! And surely you don’t want to hear about the dates she’s been on – or what happened on them?
In fact, let’s face it, talking about who your ex-girlfriend has been “with” while you’ve been apart isn’t a very romantic or useful strategy for making up and getting back together!
One of the positive things that you can focus on, however, is romance.
An open heart and real sincerity is the best way to establish a closer and loving relationship, but let’s be honest – flowers and gifts also have a role here too.
What men don’t understand, I think, is that gestures don’t have to be big to impact a woman’s heart. Doing something for her that shows you’re thinking about her and that you respect her is very nearly as good as a big gift worth hundreds of dollars.
Flowers, jewelry, meals out – yes, they’re all very nice, but remember that a romantic card expressing your loving feelings, left in her closet or drawers after you’ve departed for whatever occupies you during the day, might be just as powerful a way to save your marriage or renew your relationship.
As an aside, it’s worth mentioning that a good gesture at this stage might be to buy her “the” ring… but only if you’re really certain this is the woman you want spend the rest of your life with!
Sure, if you split up because of commitment issues, a ring really is the gesture to end all gestures.
But what if you don’t want to do that?
In that case you need another plan for your relationship, showing your ex-girlfriend how being together again with her is going to benefit you both.
A woman who’s been dumped, or who’s dumped you, isn’t likely to be keen on getting back into a relationship with you unless she can see how it’s going to benefit her, either now or in the future. In short, you need a plan for the future of your relationship.
Video – YouTube
Break Ups Don’t Have To Leave You Broken!
7 Do Something to Improve Your Desirability
Remember this simple and straightforward fact: your relationship ended because of who you are and how you behave.
In other words, you may have to change yourself to give the relationship a good chance of survival.
Let’s assume that rather than moping around, you’ve already started being more widely social after the breakup.
That’s a good start, because it means you’ve taken control of at least one thing in your life! If you’re dating other women, or they’re expressing an interest in you, well, even better, because that should build your self-confidence and self-esteem.
But the problem is that you need more confidence with your ex-girlfriend, not more confidence with other women. (Of course, if you’ve met a woman whom you like even more than your ex-girlfriend, then there’s no need for you to be reading this article, is there?)
The thing is, most men don’t really know how to make themselves more attractive.
Yet it’s so simple! Start with looking good, dressing sharp, and grooming well. If you don’t know how to do these things, take some advice from a friend who always looks good.
And beneath the surface lies the more important and deeper level of your personal qualities – courage, confidence, and an attitude of abundance, forgiveness, generosity and open-heartedness.
These are qualities which combine to produce what we call “charisma”, or “presence”, and they need a bit of effort.
Maybe the emotion which causes most difficulty for most men is the opposite of courage – fear.
For example, the fear of not being in control, specifically of not being in being control of your love life. And another big one is fear of being inadequate sexually. Or simply not being “good enough”.
You can only make massive change and rapid improvements in all these areas by having a plan and taking some action.
So you probably need some help. How, for example, would you increase your self-confidence without the support of friends, therapist or counselor? Well, you might join a men’s group or find some other supportive resource in your life.
Another thing you might try is taking up a new sport, hobby or interest. Maybe you know what that is already.
But mostly, men in this situation have to go back to the drawing board, and think really hard about the ways in which they can fulfil their intention to become a more amazing man.
More amazing to their ex girlfriend or the world in general, that is. The good news? There are plenty of ways to improve.
Whether or not you can see a self-improvement program through to the end says a lot about who you are. And that also has a major impact on how women will see you (including your ex girlfriend, with whom you want to get back together).
Anyway, assuming you’re interested in self-improvement, here are some suggestions:
- sign up for a public speaking course
- sign up for a martial arts class
- take a course in comedy improvisation class
- start performing publicly
- join a drama class
- join a therapy group
- support an organization working for disadvantaged children
- devote yourself to a cause that is really important to you.
- stop looking just at your own self, and start working in the field of conservation or social work as a volunteer.
In essence, you want to cover all the bases, which probably means doing one thing in each of several different areas of life (examples conveniently provided):
- Health – go to the gym, go on a diet, take up martial arts, find a spiritual practice like meditation
- Career – ask for a rise, seek promotion, find a new job
- Your mental attitude – develop an attitude of gratitude and joy, take up the 21 day no-complaints challenge, read self-improvement books, and join some kind of organisation devoted to self-development
- Expansion of who you are – develop new skills, learn to sing, take a drama class, play musical instruments in public, learn computer coding, help young men get over their traumatic past, mentor young men fresh out of jail, help old people, do charity work.
In a way, it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you do something.
After breaking up with a girlfriend, everyone feels depressed and unworthy, and self-esteem tends to plummet.
So be really careful not to respond to this by just going to your ex girlfriend and begging her to take you back, or trying to work out manipulative strategies about how to get your ex girlfriend back.
Instead, look to improve yourself.
In particular, learn to love yourself: that is how you become worthy of receiving somebody else’s love.
And if you don’t already know it, what helps you love yourself, or to put it another way, to feel proud of yourself, is simply doing things which make you feel proud.
How much of that – pride – is there in your life right now?
Thought so. Not much, eh?
The good news is it doesn’t take much imagination to find ways to make yourself a more rounded and mature character. And taking those steps will do one of two things: first, it may attract your ex-girlfriend because you’ve become a different person.
Second, it may give you the insight that you really have moved on, and you need something different from a relationship with a woman. (Something different to what you had with your ex, that is!)
In either case you are becoming the man you can truly be.
Now you might realize there’s something important going on here: you’re pondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back. But I wonder whether or not that’s the right question. (Read this for advice on when to end a relationship.)
Of course there are strategies and techniques you can use to get your ex back, but the problem is that your relationship will only last if you really do change, and become the man you and your girlfriend want you to be.
No matter how many romantic gestures you make, no matter how many gifts you buy her, no matter how many promises you make, your relationship is only going to be extended by a few weeks or months at most unless you fundamentally change. That’s because YOU are one of the foundation stones of the relationship.
And your ex girlfriend is the other foundation stone of the relationship, but of course you don’t have control over what she does and how she develops.
Hopefully you can find a way of growing together so that not only do you grow and discover how to get your ex girlfriend back, but your relationship also grows into something beautiful.