We’re looking at some of the things that can stand between you and your loved one. In other words – the faulty beliefs that get in the way of true love.

Men Lead and Women Follow During Sex.

There may be an element of truth in the assertion that men get satisfaction from a sense of dominance in sex while women get a sense of satisfaction from being less dominant, receptive, and perhaps even passive to some degree.

However this does not mean that men always have to lead, initiate, and satisfy their partners. Nor does it mean that women always have to be the passive recipients of the man’s sexual advances.

There can be great satisfaction from both partners in a relationship where the woman initiates sex some of the time. It’s also exciting when the woman is confident enough to take the role of the dominant, active partner during sexual intercourse.

The classic example of this is the seduction routine that some couples go through where the woman decides that she will seduce her partner and leads him into the bedroom.

Be the dominant woman in the bedroom

If she feels dominant she can take a woman on top sexual position, she can thrust her hips and pelvis, and she can control the speed and rhythm of intercourse so that she has more control over when she will reach orgasm.

Believe it or not, such a routine can be threatening to men who have the belief that they “must” be the dominant partner. Relaxing, giving up control, taking a more passive attitude during intercourse. Whatever you call it, this simple change in the couple’s sexual dynamic can be incredibly threatening to the male partner.

The threat goes beyond the simple act of sex: the men who have the need to be in control during sex often have the need to be in control in life and in the relationship as well. Not being in control can seem very threatening to their sense of emotional security. The answer is to become more trusting, emotionally open, and sexually aware of their partner’s needs, in the privacy and security of the bedroom.

For this to happen both partners have to agree that they are equal participants in every sense in the act of love. This is when true love can really begin to develop. It is when a woman’s heart can open to her man. And then, she may well be on the way to capturing his heart and indeed, as the cliche has it, making him love her for ever. This need not be a dream – but it takes work. (Find out how to truly capture a man’s heart so he will stay with you here.)

Remember we are looking at false beliefs….. the next one is…

Loss of erection is a disaster.

To any man who believes the myths listed above, loss of erection will seem like an assault on the whole of his masculine being. And yet the simple truth is that as men age loss of erection becomes very much more likely during sex. Even for a young man loss of erection is not uncommon, though it tends to occur in certain well-defined situations such as putting on a condom or when performance anxiety takes over.

It may help you to know about erections come and go during sex; there is a natural rhythm of arousal and lowering of arousal for all men during sex which is reflected in the fact that a man’s penis becomes harder and less hard as he makes love.

For example, some men find it astonishing that they lose their erection whilst giving their lover oral pleasure. The reassuring truth is that this is normal, and, given the right kind of stimulation, his penis will soon return to full erection.

Yet a man who does not know this, or a man who judges his sexual performance to be a success only when his penis is rigid and erect from beginning to end of the sex act, will be very disturbed by his loss of erection.

Loss of erection – video

And of course when his partner expects him to perform on the job, as it were, she may also be distressed by his loss of erection. She may interpret it in all kinds of ways that bear no relation to the reality of the situation. For example: he doesn’t love me any more, he doesn’t find me attractive, he doesn’t want to have sex with me.

A real man can last as long as he wants during sex. (Another myth.)

In fact the actual truth, as the majority of men are only too well aware, is that ejaculation control is rather a difficult skill to acquire.

The majority of men ejaculate within five minutes of penetrating their partner, and a very large number ejaculate within two minutes of penetrating their partner. Whether you think this is a good thing or a bad thing is hardly the point; it is as it is.

And yet a man who believes that he should be able to thrust  for an indefinite period of time is disconnecting from the reality of sex and most people’s experience.

And to do that he must also disconnect from his partner and probably also from himself as well. this makes him no more than  an automaton, a thrusting machine. He becomes a man who may be able to continue thrusting for long periods of time, but whose satisfaction from sex will be greatly diminished. And his connection to his partner will be distant, to say the least.

 It’s much better to ensure that each partner gains sexual pleasure and satisfaction within a whole framework of sexual activities of which intercourse is only one part.

For example, it’s highly pleasurable for most women to receive oral pleasure from their partner before he enters them. In this way it’s actually possible for a woman to have one orgasm and be raised to the threshold of another before her man inserts his penis.

If the couple time this right he can thrust vigorously and bring her to orgasm whilst enjoying the pleasure of her orgasm while inside her. Her orgasm will be closely followed by his own, which can be a very powerful experience for both partners.

This type of orgasm rivals the merits of the much vaunted simultaneous orgasm (a rather difficult thing to achieve, and no better than that which has just been described).

The man should come first (or the woman should come first).

There’s no given rule about who should come first or second. It’s much more about enjoying sex and a sense of spontaneity, rather than a prescribed routine which means you always give way to your partner. 

For couples who basically know enough technique to enjoy an orgasm, and who know enough about each other to be reasonably sure what their partner will want from them, it’s much more fun to see how sex evolves during each session of lovemaking. This is the route to true intimacy – to really finding a way to love each other. To finding a way to be in each other’s hearts in a respectful and healthy way. To find, as it were, long lasting love – a true heart to heart connection.

For example, on one occasion she may start pleasuring him and he may become so sexually excited that she carries on until he comes. Then the couple can rest before he is aroused again, perhaps by fellatio, after which they enjoy intercourse. A woman may not reach orgasm at all in such a session of sex, but her heart love extends towards her man because she sees his pleasure.

Alternatively, on another occasion he may bring her to orgasm by oral pleasure before entering her thrusting and coming quickly. (Which will almost certainly happen because he’s so aroused from having pleasured her beforehand.)

On yet another occasion a couple may engage in alternate sessions of intercourse, oral sex, cuddling, and mutual masturbation until they reach climax in one way or another… but the point is it doesn’t really matter as long as the couple are enjoying what they are doing, so why bother about who comes first? What really matters is finding a way to meet heart to heart as well as hand in hand.