6 Wait For Him To Come To You

A lot of people will tell a woman who wants to get back together in a couple with her ex boyfriend, after they have broken up, that she should give her ex-partner space and time to work out what’s going on. In other words, she should give him room to decide whether he really wants to get back together.

However, I have a different take on this.

When you’ve broken up with a man, it’s true there’s a lot to be said for giving him some space to work out how he feels, but if he doesn’t make the first move towards a reconciliation after a few weeks, I suggest you make it yourself.

It could be misplaced pride that’s stopping him contacting you. And you can deal with that by taking action. After all, if you want to know how to get your ex back, it’s better to start finding out than to do nothing, surely?

When you do establish contact it’s really important to respond warmly, and appropriately, and work out as quickly as you can what your ex’s intentions (and reasons for contacting you, if that’s what he’s done) are.

Certainly, you want to avoid having sex with him until you’ve resolved the issues which caused the breakup.

7 Put Yourself First

If you feel your happiness is dependent on getting your ex boyfriend back, then you’re not putting yourself first, and you’re not valuing your own life and importance.

You need to do what’s best for you: even if the pain of the broken relationship is intense, you need to make sure that you’re doing the right thing for yourself.

Think about it: if you can’t put yourself first now, when on earth can you put yourself first?

So you need to treat your life like it’s important, and you need to treat yourself as the valuable human being you are.

And that might mean, among other things, that when your man comes back to you, you don’t simply pick up the relationship where you left off. Instead, you find a way of resolving the issues which came up between you and caused the breakup.

You see, he wants you back, and you want your ex boyfriend back. There’s never going to be a better time to work through the issues that led to your breakup than right now.

Warning: If he starts trying to convince you that you caused the relationship to fail, or that there is something wrong with you, then you might want to seriously consider whether he is right for you.

At the very least, he needs to be willing to negotiate with you about how you can have a successful relationship in the future.

If you conclude that he isn’t willing to do that, then it’s unlikely the relationship’s going to be any better in the future than it was in the past.

And even if you were part of the cause, the final ending of the relationship was something in which you both played a part.

If you feel responsible for the breakup, and can’t get round that, or you don’t feel in control of the situation, or you feel you’re being manipulated, then get some personal help, either counseling or therapy, or some form of group work like this (designed for women) or this (designed for women and men).

And, most of all, do the inner work needed to change yourself if you think you have problems or issues that need to be resolved.

Of course this raises the question of whether or not your ex boyfriend’s going to work on his own issues. That might be something you can talk to him about, yes? That way you will both grow emotionally and move together into a new future.

Of course if either of you continue to display dysfunctional  or disruptive behavior, the sort of thing which led to the relationship breaking up in the first place, there’s no point trying to save it now.

(Perhaps the only exception to that is if you’re both committed to working on yourselves and you are open and honest about this with each other.)

8 Have a Vision for Your Future Relationship

It goes without saying that if your man is abusive, tries to make you do things that are against your basic principles, has substance-abuse problems, never takes responsibility, is immature, cheats or lies or can’t be trusted, then you will do yourself a lot more good by leaving him and moving into relationship with a man who has higher moral principles.

If your own weakness is such that you need to have your ex partner back regardless of how inadequate he may be, then you might want to do some emotional work on yourself, urgently. 

Any obsession with your ex-boyfriend might imply that you need something more than breakup advice – perhaps you need counseling and support from a professional.

In essence, what’s going to be helpful for you at this point is trusting that if you’re meant to get back together with your ex, it will happen, and that if you aren’t, then there is a better man already waiting for you.

Trust you will get the man you’re supposed to be with.

But whatever happens, everything will be all right.

If you do manage to find out how to get your ex back, and get over the breakup, you should have a more loving and fulfilling relationship. And when you raise the standards you set for yourself about how you expect to be treated, you will encourage him to grow as well.

But if he doesn’t come back, or if he does come back and you believe he’s not going to change, then you’ve outgrown him.

And then, because you have grown and developed emotionally, you will attract a man who is more suited to you and your values.

It goes without saying that in both cases, you’ll have a more loving and happy relationship with yourself as well as with your boyfriend.